The first time I was told to write a blog I was about seventeen years old (I am 21 now) and the therapist told me that it would help to get some of my feelings out and it could be a public outlet. Since then I have pondered the idea and the only thing that really stopped me was wondering: "Will anyone really care?" or "Do I really want to put my business out there for the whole world to see?".
Then about a year ago I was told again by a different therapist that I should start a blog. He kind of expounded upon what the first therapist said and added that it would help since it seems I need to talk to people about how I feel on an almost constant basis or I don't feel validated. So, another year later I decided to make the leap. I guess the following post is going to be a long one dear reader so you can get to know me a bit more. Here you are sitting here reading this blog wondering: "Why the fuck does this guy need a therapist?". Well first off, fuck you for thinking that I NEEDED one, maybe I just felt like wasting money! But seriously, yeah, I needed a therapist so I take back that fuck you and replace it with: "Need it the right word, thanks for your inquiry!".
I was born in 1990. What month? March! Stop asking silly questions! I was born with a penis and the doctors promptly decided that I didn't need all of it and chopped off a piece of it. My mother tells me this is customary but I don't believe that. Just kidding, I know what circumcision is, jeez I am not an idiot!
I was born to a Jody and a Jodi, yeah cute huh? No, guess again. They are no longer together because Jody (the man) was an abusive prick. Yeah, it happens all the time, don't feel sorry for me, I don't remember it. So, my mom being the loving and wise mother that she is took me away from the loser when I was like 18 months old. Yes, I said 18 months, not a year and half. Deal with it.
So, we carry on and skip a whole bunch of boring stuff. Well, I can't lie to you dear reader. According my mom and other credible witnesses I was anything but a boring baby/toddler/small person. I was what my mom refers to as a "little Houdini". Why? There you go with the questions again! Stop interrupting me and I'll tell you!
Anyway, as I was saying before being so rudely interrupted; I was a little Houdini! My mom (and those pesky other credible witnesses) said that I would escape from my crib, unlock childproofed locked windows and doors, turn stoves on without letting them actually ignite (yeah I was what was called a gas activist! "FREE THE GAS! BEAT FIRES ASS!"), and a whole bunch of other stuff that I don't really remember.
So, we skip a whole bunch more of the boring stuff and we get to my school years. I was a little geek. Not only was I an intelligent little person, I knew it to! In turn, so did all my classmates! I was married three times in kindergarten and divorced four times. So yeah, take that Donald Trump!
I kept growing. Funny how that works huh? Anyway, a whole bunch more boring stuff happened and some not so boring stuff that I feel would be boring to you so I am not going to write it all down. Let's just say that around the fifth grade I did a few things that impressed my teachers. I also just kept being so damn smart.
Then the years came where I wasn't so smart. Oh yeah, it happened. I decided that the kids in school didn't like me because I was too smart. So, what did I do? Duh! I became dumb! That's the only answer right? Not once did it pass through my mind that this was school and the only real job people have at school is to be smart. I started flunking all my classes, getting my ass kicked even more, and also being disliked by my teachers! Fun right? Yeah, I loved school.
So, I decided that maybe it wasn't the fact that I was smart that pissed my peers off! Maybe, just maybe, there was some hint at why they didn't like me in what they called me as they were in a circle around me ready to kick my ass again. "Fucking faggot!" yeaaaaah. Go me. From that point on I went through a few phases, my dark phase, my "Hey I'm gay and fabulous. Look at me!" phase, and then ultimately into my Satanist phase.
Yes I was a Satanist. I worshiped the red guy with horns! Anyway that phase lasted about a year until I went to a church outreach and got saved. Just like everything else in my life I took that to the extreme as well! Why always so extreme Rick? Again with the questions? Really? Well to be honest with you I am trying to figure that out still. I often speculate that if I knew the answer to that question I would unlock a secret compartment in my mind and little birdies and rainbows would fly out and I would be about 1000% better mentally than I am now!
So let's skip a whole bunch of teenage angst stuff that is really, really, really, not boring but I don't want the sheer size of this blog post to scare you off my blog forever so I will cover that at a different time! Awww. I know, keep your chin up, you'll get through it!
So dear reader, after several suicide attempts, several institution stays, and an engagement that brings us to October of last year. Good ole 2011. It was a great year for us all right? Haha. From what I hear on Facebook, everyone was glad when that clocked counted in a new year. My thoughts were no different.
I was engaged to a girl that I obviously thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. That was why she was wearing my ring! I did not believe in marriage for a while until I met her. I met her on the internet, yes the internet. Well that was your first mistake! HEY, there is a comments section below for a reason! Stop interrupting me! However, you are right. Is that to say that I won't try to snag another one from the internet? Nah, that just means I will make sure that she is not a psycho bitch that plays a serial killer on the Roleplay forum that I frequent!
So the engagement was going down hill about a year into it. When I would talk she would be on her laptop not really responding, or doing something else and not paying attention to me, even when I told her that I had something important to say. Anyway, since I could not find love from her after that wonderful first year, I found love with a synthetic drug better known as Spice.
Ah Spice! My love! My darling! My one and only! I can't live without you! Yeah, that might as well have been me. My dependency on that drug got so bad that from the time I woke up to the time that I passed into a drug induced coma I would be smoking it. It cause me to start passing out at work (when I was working I would never smoke it btw. Go me), end up on the ground with my hand on my chest thinking that I was having a heart attack, and many many more fun things.
My fiance who we will call Molly (to protect my ass from a lawsuit! Duh!) decided that she hated the fact that I had become an addict, but it was still okay to bring the stuff home to me on a nightly basis. Go team Enable! Do I BLAME her for my addiction? No. Do I think she had the power to help me get through it and then refused to be helpful? YES!
It all came to a climax (God I love that word.) on October 29th, 2011 when I woke up that morning to find a note on the mirror saying "Went to your parents house for a while. <3 Molly". Was I pissed? Yes! Was I feigning for some Spice? Double yes! Is a combination of those two things bad for logical thinking? Duh!
I called her and the yelling started. Did she yell? Oh no. See Molly has what I call a "phone voice" she worked at a call center with me and she used this voice that is just dripping with synthetic honey and sound clips of nails grating on a black board. So, no Molly didn't yell, she used her phone voice with me! How dare she! Right? I mean I was mad, and I knew she had to be feeling something or she wouldn't be at MY parents house! Right? So, hearing that voice pissed me off even more and I told her to come get her shit, I was done. She refused, so I threatened to break her shit, and what do ya know? SHE SAID SHE WAS COMING!
A lot of words, tears, back and forth, and laughs later (and that was just from me) and the cops ended up showing up. What exactly happened before or while the cops were there I don't want to get into on this post but I promise it is coming in the future. Don't fret dear reader, I know you read blogs especially for that juicy shit! Anway, I ended up in the back of a cruiser with a bunch of charges.
By the time I got to arraignment the charges had been dropped to 2 counts of Domestic Battery, and 1 count of Resisting a Peace Officer. They let me out on a PR bond. I tried to go to my parents house and tried to speak to Molly and a whole bunch of other stupid stuff. What it comes down to was I ended up staying with my parents.
I pled guilty to my charges and got a plea bargain. They dropped everything but the DB against Molly and I have to take some classes for anger and attend a DV panel. Anyway, now here we are today. Little Houdini to convict.
After getting out of jail I got off the Spice, alcohol, and my anti-depressants. It was my choice to live a chemical free life. So yeah, that is my basic story and here I am in front of you dear reader telling it all. I promise to explain more of what happened in certain parts but I didn't feel like making this post longer than it already is. Thank you for reading, if you are, and if not, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! THIS IS JERRY SPRINGER SHIT!
Live, Laugh, Love
Rick
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